Elephant Mind Set

ELEPHANT MIND SET



By Wild Life World

How a Bully Is Made

How a Bully Is Made
By Victoria Costello


The short- and long-term harm done to bullying victims has received much attention lately. The complex web of factors which go into creating bullies are less often discussed.

Every bully does not have the same psychological profile. But understanding the possible factors behind the behavior can help usturn the tide against a deeply entrenched problem.

When my oldest son Alex was 14, he turned into a bully. It started at home, when he would act mean toward his younger brother: teasing him relentlessly, pushing, hitting and scheming to get him in trouble. Later, I found out that he’d hooked up with some other boys in the neighborhood and they, as a gang, had been bullying younger kids.

Here’s how I heard Alex describe one such time. The confession came at a wilderness therapy program we’d sent him to. I was present for a parent meeting at the end of the program.

“I stole about seven bikes and gave ‘em to my guys to buy our pot. Oh, and one time I threw a little kid off his bike and took it from him. Then we all laughed at him crying on the ground.”

I remember being horrified. How had my sweet, once-shy and introspective first-born child become this monster?

For my son, the answer would turn out to be complicated, but not unusual. Much later, while working as a psychology writer and researcher, I discovered the many possible factors that can contribute to aggressive or violent behavior in children and teenagers.

At one time, psychologists attributed children’s aggression to their high levels of frustration. Although feeling blocked from having or doing what one wants can lead to aggressive behavior, further study has shown frustration to be farther down the list of causes.

When assessing this large body of research for the book I coauthored with Jack C. Westman M.D., The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child & Adolescent Psychology, I found the following five factors to be considered most predictive of producing bullying behavior.

1. Physical Punishment

Parents’ use of harsh physical punishment is positively correlated with children’s aggressive behavior. In one 1990 study, peers and teachers rated spanked children twice as aggressive compared with other children. At the same time, not all spanked children are overly aggressive.

University of Tulane researchers studied the effect of spanking using a mixed population of 2,500 children between the ages of 3 and 5. The group included 45 percent who, according to their mothers, had not been spanked, 28 percent who were spanked “once or twice,” and 26 percent who were spanked more than twice. The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 rose by 50 percent if he had been spanked twice in the month before being observed by researchers. This 2010 study stood out from others done previously in that investigators accounted for variables, including the mother’s acts of neglect, use of alcohol or drugs, and violence or aggression between the parents.

2. Watching Aggressive Behavior in Adults

Some of the aggressive children in this study were not physically punished. Parents who simply modeled aggressive behavior in front of their children also produced more aggressive children. Such parents tended to use more forceful rather than cooperative means to settle conflicts. They yelled rather than spoke calmly or discussed an issue. They grabbed the TV remote out of someone’s hands, rather than asked or negotiated a peaceful solution to competing needs or desires.

If there is a lot of unresolved conflict in the home, parents can model aggressive behaviors which the child can internalize. Beyond the child’s immediate home and school environment, studies show that poverty and high levels of neighborhood crime create a culture of violence with many negative effects on children. But other factors cut across class and geography.

3. Violent Television

A typical children’s cartoon shows on average one violent act every three minutes. Many young children and teenagers spend more hours watching TV than they do at school. What’s the effect of all this mayhem on growing children? There are many correlational and some experimental studies linking children’s viewing of violent TV programs with spikes in aggressive behavior.

In the laboratory of social learning theorist Albert Bandura, children were given specially created TV programs to watch. In these shows, an adult acted violently, kicking and hitting a plastic doll named Bobo. Two groups of children were given the same doll to play with; one group watched the violent program, the other didn’t. Those who watched were more likely to imitate the on-screen character and act violently toward Bobo than the others.

4. Problems with Processing Emotions

In the 1990s, researchers started to investigate whether any cognitive deficiencies might contribute to a child’s level of aggressive behavior. This work revealed that aggressive boys often respond aggressively because they are not as skilled as their peers in reading other people. They fail to accurately interpret other people’s intentions and when they’re unsure of why someone does something or looks at them a certain way, they tend to respond aggressively.

Another study investigated whether anything could be done to help young people like this overcome their deficiency and be less aggressive as a result. In one correctional facility, incarcerated adolescents were taught how to pay attention to non-hostile cues in a social setting. When they accurately perceived hostility coming their way, they were shown how to use alternative responses. Supervisors at the juvenile correction facility who were questioned after this training program reported less aggression and less impulsivity in those adolescents who had taken the training.

This emotional processing deficit seemed to be a factor present in my own 14-year-old son at the time his behaviors turned aggressive. Here was how he described his state of mind and emotions at wilderness therapy camp:

I’m trying to get in touch with my feelings. I’m having a hard time cause I haven’t had feelings in a long time for some reason. My counselors say it’s the drugs but I don’t know. It seems to me I didn’t have any feelings before I started using either.

As it turned out, Alex’s psychological problems were far deeper than his outward behaviors appeared to reveal.

5. Part of a More Serious Psychiatric Disease Course

A meta-study of 11 longitudinal family studies reveals that conduct disorder puts a boy at a higher risk for becoming an antisocial young man or a psychotic adolescent (J. Welham et al. 2009). I was struck by the number of studies in this review showing that boys who went on to develop schizophrenia had conduct problems when they were young. The word “externalizing” (what many view as “acting out”) is often used to describe their early problem behaviors.

This was the course my son Alex’s adolescent psychological problems eventually took. He was diagnosed and treated for the onset of schizophrenia at age 17, a story I tell in my forthcoming book A Lethal Inheritance.

I certainly want to underscore that not all bullies — nor boys and girls with conduct disorder as children and teenagers — develop antisocial disorder or schizophrenia as young adults. But sufficient numbers of them do to merit a closer look at the deeper psychological currents driving these young people. The general public also needs to develop a more complex understanding of the phenomena of bullying if we are going to stop and treat these young people before they and the children who become the targets of their aggression suffer further.

10 Quick Strategies To Help Manage Your Anger..

10 Quick Strategies To Help Manage Your Anger..

by Anger Management Activities on Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 7:34p

Anger is a very natural emotion. However, learning to deal with your anger in a positive manner is important, both for your well-being and that of others who are near and dear to you. When you cannot control your temper, you and everyone around you suffer the consequences.

If you struggle with anger management, the good news is: it doesn't have to be this way! You don't have to fall victim to an uncontrollable temper. There are anger management techniques that will help you change the way you express this emotion.

These strategies can help you manage your anger in positive ways:

1. Give yourself a time out. Counting to ten before you speak or act gives you a chance to think first. Take a deep breath or two while you count to ten; this action helps relax your tense muscles and sends a burst of oxygen to your brain for clarity of thought.

Removing yourself altogether from the situation gives you more time to calm down and further reduces the risk of an angry outburst. You can return once you're able to discuss the issue peacefully.

2. Take some personal space. When the very presence of a specific person makes your blood boil, stay away from them until your frustration dies down. Use the opportunity away from them to work through your feelings and seek a positive solution to your challenge with them.

3. After you're calm, express yourself. It's healthy to express your feelings, even feelings of anger, as long as you do it in a peaceful, positive, and non-confrontational way.

Discussing your feelings with the person who upsets you often helps both of you understand each other better so you can work out your issues.

Stewing about what is bothering you can make the whole situation worse.

4. Exercise. Strenuous physical activity is an incredible way to release your anger, especially if you feel you're at the breaking point. Exercising also releases endorphins, the "feel good" hormones, which will help you feel more at peace.

Lifting weights, running, and playing sports are great ways to blow off some steam.

5. Think it through before you tackle the issue. When you're angry, you're more likely to say something hurtful that you don't really mean.

Write down what you want to say so you can work through the issue at hand; when your temper is flaring, it's easy to get sidetracked.

6. Find a win-win solution. Instead of focusing on what someone did to make you angry, work with him or her to resolve the issue. Finding a solution that you both agree on will allow you to feel satisfied.

7. Use personal statements when discussing the issue. Avoid criticizing or placing blame.

Use statements like, "It makes me feel angry and upset when you don't help me with the housework," instead of "You never help me," which could make that person angry or resentful in return.

8. Avoid holding a grudge. Maintaining resentment toward someone only hurts you. Let it go, put it in the past, and move forward with your life.

It's unreasonable to expect everyone to act the way you want them to. Rather than letting someone continue to irritate you with their mannerisms, find a way to accept or look past them.

9. Use humor. Lighten up the situation by saying or doing something genuinely funny. Once you both have a good laugh, it's easier to find a resolution together.

When being humorous, avoid sarcasm as it can hurt and make things worse.

10. Practice relaxation techniques. Skills like deep breathing and picturing a relaxing scene can help defuse your temper when you feel it start to boil.

Listening to music and practicing Yoga are also great stress relievers.

If you feel that your anger is still out of control after using these strategies, you may benefit from some extra help, such as:Reading further books on anger management.

Seeing a licensed therapist or counselor.

Attending anger management classes or support groups where others discuss ways to cope with their anger.

No matter how severe your anger may be, these tips and techniques can help you control your temper, rather than letting it control you. Free yourself from anger and find greater joy in your life today!

Source : http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anger-Management-Activities/140718399338177?fref=ts

Prevention Program for Postpartum Anxiety Disorders

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor

Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on August 19, 2011

A new report describes a program that helps to reduce anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders that may accompany childbirth.

Parents know that the birth of a baby can elicit many emotions, from joy and excitement to fear and uncertainty.

Birthing can also spawn mood disorders ranging from post-partum depression to difficulties with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

“Postpartum depression has received much attention, but anxiety-related issues, especially obsessive compulsive symptoms, can also be devastating to mothers and their families,” says psychologist Kiara Timpano, principal investigator of the study.

“Many women experiencing these difficulties are not getting the services they need because they don’t even know that what they are experiencing has a label and can be helped.”

In response to this need, Timpano and her collaborators from the University of Miami (UM) developed a program to prevent of postpartum obsessive compulsive symptoms.

The findings are reported online by the Journal of Psychiatric Research.

While it is natural for new mothers to have some thoughts of concern about their babies, some mothers experience a more severe form of anxiety known as postpartum OCD.

The condition includes disturbing thoughts about bad things happening to the baby.

In order to control these unpleasant thoughts, the mothers develop rituals or other behaviors in response, like checking the baby excessively or washing a baby bottle many more times than is necessary.

“The problem with OCD is that it is like a radio that’s turned up too high,” Timpano says.

“Part of our work is trying to figure out how it got turned up so high and how we can help individuals turn it back down. For example, while it’s okay to wash the baby bottle once, it is problematic if a mother ends up washing it for hours at a time.”

Timpano and her research collaborators decided to develop and test the effectiveness of an intervention that would not only treat mothers once their difficulties emerged, but could also prevent symptoms from developing.

Accordingly, the team designed a prevention program based on cognitive behavioral therapy principle – a treatment technique that has been found to be highly effective for anxiety disorders.

The program was incorporated it into a traditional childbirth educational class.

“We wanted to provide mothers with the necessary tools, which would hopefully keep them from going on to develop substantial symptoms that would interfere in their lives,” Timpano says.

Researchers evaluated the effectiveness of the program among a group of 71 expecting mothers at risk for developing postpartum obsessive compulsive symptoms. Half of the group was in a class that included the prevention program, the other half was in a regular childbirth education class (control group).

The mothers were followed for six months after the birth of their babies. Key aspects of the behavioral intervention included education on the warning signs of anxiety and OCD, as well as specific techniques for how to deal with the symptoms.

Investigators determined the prevention program was successful in reducing both the incidence of obsessive compulsive symptoms and the intensity of distress.

Compared to the control group, the mothers in the prevention program experienced less anxiety after the babies were born and they maintained this effect for at least six months postpartum. The team also found that the intervention reduced those thinking styles that put a mom at risk to begin with.

In the future, researchers would like to develop a program that would include screening for postpartum anxiety on the same scale and frequency as what is currently performed for postpartum depression, said Timpano.

Source: University of Miami

Lack of Sleep Getting you Down? Research Provides Tips for Better Sleep

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/positive-psychology/2011/08/lack-of-sleep-getting-you-down-research-provides-tips-for-better-sleep/

Lack of Sleep Getting you Down? Research Provides Tips for Better SleepBy Joe Wilner

If you’re like most people sleep is crucial for your well-being. Research studies increasingly reveal that people do not function optimally when they are sleep deprived.

Sleep gives us energy, a positive attitude, and better ability to cope with daily stress. We need adequate sleep for physical restoration, growth, adaptability, and memory.

In general, Americans, particularly adolescents and aging adults, don’t get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can decrease our cognitive ability to focus, problems solve, and maintain attention, and it can cause irritability, and emotional irregularity. All of which can interfere with positive well-being.

So, what can be done to help us sleep better and be more rested?

Often, sleep disturbances are related to excessive worrying and general arousal during bed time, this could be from our drinking and eating habits, or a general inability to relax and wind down.


Fortunately, researches in Canada studied three interventions with the goal of helping students reduce pre-sleep arousal and improve overall quality of sleep. The interventions were three exercises involving constructive worrying, imagery distraction, and cultivating gratitude.

The students were simply sent these exercises by email and required no formal training. The results revealed that these three interventions were successful.

Students who received a constructive worry, imagery distraction, or a gratitude intervention had less cognitive and somatic pre-sleep arousal and worry, increased total sleep time, and improved sleep quality compared to baseline.

Here are the three interventions in more detail so you can apply them in your own life.

Constructive Worry – This involves setting aside 15 minutes earlier in the day to write out worries and concerns that are likely to interfere with sleep. Solutions to these problems are considered and the hope is that there will no longer be a tendency to focus on these problems for the time being.

Imagery Distraction – For about 15 minutes each night after all bedtime routines have been completed, with eyes closed imagine an interesting, pleasant, and engaging situation. Imagine something that comforts you and gives you positive feelings, though make sure it isn’t anything too arousing or exciting that could actually keep you stimulated and awake.

Gratitude Intervention – Our mood has an impact on sleep. Schedule a daily 15-minute session in the early evening when you can write about a positive event that has occurred lately or that you anticipate in the near future.

Hopefully these interventions can help you get a good night sleep, and give you something to fall back on when you are experiencing a sleepless night.

Are any of these interventions most appealing to you? Any that you have tried before?

Photo credit: Foxtongue

Work cited:

Digdon, N. & Koble, A. (2011). Effects of Constructive Worry, Imagery Distraction, and Gratitude Interventions on Sleep Quality: A Pilot Trial. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3 (2), 193–206.

Joe Wilner is a life coach, educator, and writer who helps inspire and empower people to find their purpose and meaning. He has a Masters Degree in Psychology and a Masters in Liberal Arts, with a concentration in Management and Leadership. He is a certified meditation instructor through the American Institute of Health Care Professionals (AIHC) and a certified life coach with Compass Global Group. He is a member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA), and provides training and coaching to assist people in stress and anxiety reduction, and to help them enhance positive emotional experiences.

Too Much Web Surfing Impairs Focus

Too Much Web Surfing Impairs Focus

Posted on July 10th, 2011 by Dr. Pauline Wallin


Have you noticed lately, that it’s getting harder and harder to sit down and focus on reading a book for an hour, or even 15 minutes?

According to author Nicholas Carr, the Internet is to blame. In his book, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains, Carr outlines research showing the impact of web surfing and multitasking on brain functions. He concludes that we have become so accustomed to the constant stream of information from online activities that our brains are actually getting rewired for distractibility.

We are processing more information than ever before. With a click of a button we can get the latest news and weather, shop for just about anything, read movie reviews, and engage in dozens of other information-gathering tasks – all within a few minutes.

But rarely do we stop and reflect on what we read online. Eye-tracking studies have shown that the average time spent on a web page is less than five seconds – enough to read 18 words at most.

In between web surfing, we check email, answer text messages, update our Facebook page and respond to popup windows urging us to update our software. Our minds are constantly distracted. No wonder we have trouble focusing!

So what does all this mean for our brains? There is scientific evidence that the more you engage in a given behavioral pattern, the more the brain adapts to it. Thus, if you are used to switching from one task to another in rapid succession, your brain is going to make it easier and more efficient for you to do so – but at a price. That price is greater distractibility and less capacity for deep reflection and creativity.

Is this permanent? Fortunately, no. Your capacity for deep thinking is not lost; it’s just dormant. To get it back, it’s not necessary to unplug completely from the Internet. But you do need to plan ahead and exercise self-control.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS…

Take scheduled breaks from the Internet – Walk away from your computer and turn off data reception on your mobile device for at least 30 minutes. During your break do something that relaxes your mind, such as talking to a friend, exercising or listening to music – whatever helps you to decompress. There’s a whole world out there – and it’s in 3D!

Make time for nature. If you can’t get outside, water your plants or look through some photos of the outdoors. Studies have shown that doing so can improve your concentration and attentiveness afterward.

When doing work at your computer, close your email program and your browser. Removing distractions makes it easier to stick to your task.

Set a quota for online activities such as checking email or Facebook. For example, limit such things to once per hour, or as a reward for completing a work-related task.

If you have trouble sticking to your promises to yourself, unplug your modem or get a program that locks you out of the Internet for a designated period of time.

9 Reasons for Change

9 Reasons for Change
By Christy Matta, MA


Change is difficult. Even if you are engaging in behaviors that you know are harmful or have symptoms that are severe, the prospect of change can be unappealing. At these times, it can be helpful to think of reasons to make those difficult changes.


Reasons for change:
You are concerned about your life, your behavior or your mental health.
You are concerned about the consequences of not getting help.
You are concerned about your future.
You hold the belief that if you change, things will get better.
You have the opportunity to change.
You are being offered the resources to change or you can obtain the resources to change.
You want to change or you intend to change.
The positives of not making change are outweighed by your concern and the negative consequences of not making change.
You are ready to change.

When you are experiencing mental health problems you may feel helpless , which can lead to hostility or passivity in response to suggestions that you change. Motivation to change how you deal with your mental health problems is important to making difficult life changes. Often when people experience emotions like fear and shame, the tendency is to avoid problems. Thinking about your reasons to change can give you the incentive necessary to get started.

Lessons Of Failure

Lessons Of Failure

by Pray for One and All on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 9:39am

Lord, are you trying to tell me something ?

For...

Failure does not mean I'm a failure;

It does mean I have not yet succeeded.





Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing, It does mean I have learned something.





Failure does not mean I have been a fool;

It does mean I had enough faith to experiment.





Failure does not mean I have disgraced

It does mean I have dared to try.





Failure does not mean I don't have it

It does mean I have something to do in a different way.





Failure does not mean I am inferior,

It does mean I am not perfect.





Failure does not mean I have wasted my life;

It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.







Failure does not mean that I should give up;

It does mean that I should try harder.







Failure does not mean that I never make it;

It does mean that I need more practice.







Failure does not mean that you have abandoned me'



It does mean that you must have a better idea.