Saturday, December 10, 2011


Recover quickly from your mistakes!

by SECRET OF SUCCESS on Saturday, December 10, 2011 at 7:57am



There will be times when you make mistakes, sometimes big ones. There will be times when you overreact, offend someone, overlook the obvious, say something you shouldn’t have, and so forth. I’ve yet to meet a person who is exempt from these oh-so human facts of life. So, perhaps the most important question isn’t so much whether or not you will mess up, but rather how quickly you can recover when you do.




We can turn a relatively minor setback or mistake into a much bigger deal by overanalyzing our actions (or someone else’s), or being too hard on ourselves Or we say something wrong and can’t let go of it, or we become defensive of our actions and refuse to apologize.




When I’m able to see my mistakes, admit them, and move on – I recover quickly. The result seems to be that when someone I’m working with offers a suggestion, or some type of constructive criticism, rather than feeling defensive or struggling to point out how I’m right and they are wrong, I try to keep an open mind and remain receptive to growth.


In most cases, the person making the suggestion has at very least a grain of truth or some wisdom in their suggestion. The trick seems to be the willingness to forgive yourself – and others—for being human and for making mistakes.



Once you recognize the truth of the old adage, “To err is human, to forgive is divine,” you create the emotional climate to recover from practically any mistake and move on

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Which Wolf?




Which Wolf - A Story 




One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.



He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.




"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.






"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."




The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"




The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."


Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Rainbow Story

The Rainbow Story
Author Unknown

Once upon a time the colors of the world started to quarrel: all claimed that they were the best, the most important, the most useful, the favorite.

Green said: "Clearly I am the most important. I am the sign of life and of hope. I was chosen for grass, leaves, trees--without me, all animals would die. Look out over the countryside and you will see that I am in the majority."

Blue interrupted: "You only think about the Earth, but consider the sky and sea. It is the water that is the basis of life and drawn up by the clouds from the deep sea. The sky gives space and peace and serenity. Without my peace, you would all be nothing."

Yellow chuckled. "You are all so serious. I bring laughter, gaiety, and warmth to the world. The sun is yellow, the moon is yellow, the stars are yellow. Ever time you look at a sunflower, the whole world starts to smile. Without me, there would be no fun."

Orange started next to blow her temper. "I am the color of health and strength. I may be scarce but I am precious for I serve the needs of human life. I carry the most important vitamins. Think of carrots, pumpkins, oranges, mangos, and pawpaws. I don't hang around all the time, but when I fill the sky at sunrise or sunset, my beauty is so striking that no one gives another thought to any of you."

Red could stand it no longer. He shouted out: "I am the ruler of all of you. I am blood! Life's blood. I am the color of danger and of bravery. I am willing to fight for a cause. I bring fire to the blood! I am the color of passion and of love, the red rose, the poppy and the poinsettia. Without me, the earth would be as empty as the moon!"

Purple rose up to his full height. He was very tall and spoke with great pomp: "I am the color of royalty and power. Kings, chiefs, and bishops have always chosen me for I am a sign of authority and wisdom. People do not question me. They obey."

Finally, Indigo spoke, much more quietly than all the others but with just as much determination: "think of me. I am the color of silence. You hardly notice me, but without me, you all become superficial. I represent thought and reflection, twilight and deep water. You need me for balance and contrast, for prayer and inner peace."

And so all the colors went on boasting and quarreling, each convinced of their own superiority. Soon, their quarreling became louder and louder. Suddenly there was a startling flash of bright lightening! Thunder rolled and boomed! Rain started to pour down relentlessly. The colors crouched down in fear drawing close to one another for comfort.

In the midst of the clamor, Rain began to speak: "You foolish colors, fighting amongst yourselves, each trying to dominate the rest. Don't you know you were each made for a special purpose, unique and different? Join hands with one another and come to me."

Doing as they were told, the colors united and joined hands. The rain continued: "From now on, when it rains, each of you will stretch across the sky in a great bow of colors as a reminder that you can all live in peace. The rainbow is a sign of hope for tomorrow."

And so, whenever a good rain washes the world and a rainbow appears in the sky, let us remember to appreciate one another.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

How to Live a Less Stressful Life: 10 Simple Tips

How to Live a Less Stressful Life: 10 Simple Tips
by STRESS MANAGEMENT on Sunday, September 4, 2011 at 10:59am

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."

-Jim Goodwin


"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down."

-Lily Tomlin



Stress sucks. It sucks joy and the life out of you.



So today I'll share 10 of my favourite tips that I use to minimize stress and live a more relaxed but at the same time productive life. I hope you find something helpful here, even if it's just a few reminders of things you had forgotten about.



1. Accept the situation.
Stress is often to a large part resistance to what already is. You may be in a stressful situation and think to yourself that this situation shouldn't be, that you shouldn't be here. But the situation has already arisen, is here, and so are you.


So to decrease the stress and resistance you accept the situation. With your resistance gone or lowered you can now direct your mental energy and focus to finding a solution in a level-headed manner instead of trying to do it while panicked or confused.



2. Take everything less seriously.
Taking things or yourself overly serious adds a lot of unnecessary negativity and stress to your life. A minor situation may be blown up to a major one in your mind. If you just learn to lighten up a bit, life becomes more fun and you realize that you get great results even if you aren't super-serious about everything.



3. Decrease or put a stop to negative relationships.
If someone is always making you more stressed or creates a lot of negativity in your life you may want to consider decreasing the amount of time you spend with that person. Some people almost seem to like to dwell in negativity. That is their choice. It's your choice if you want to participate.


Or you can choose to hang out more with relaxed and non-stressed people. Both in real life and by watching/listening to CDs and DVDs. Two guys that tend to calm me down when I listen/watch them are Eckhart Tolle and Wayne Dyer.



4. Just move slower.
You emotions work backwards too. If you slow down how you walk or how you move your body you can often start to feel less stressed.

This allows you to think more clearly too. A stressed mind tends to run in circles a lot of the time. And slowing down to decrease stress goes for other forms of movement too, like riding your bicycle or driving the car.



5. Exercise.
A simple and time-tested way to decrease inner tension. Regular exercise can do wonders for both your mind and body. This is one of the solutions that work most consistently for me.



6. Find five things you can be grateful for right now.
Being grateful and appreciating your life and surroundings is one of the most effective ways to turn a negative emotional state to a more positive one. So find a few things you are grateful for right now.


Perhaps it's the sunny weather, that you feel healthy and energetic today, that you have just eaten a delicious after-noon snack, that the guy/gal that just walked by had a great looking jacket on and that tonight there is a new episode of your favourite TV-show to enjoy.



7. Look for solutions.


When faced with a challenge that can cause stress, try to direct your focus to solutions rather than to dwelling on the problem for too long. Dwelling only causes more stress and makes your mind less open to finding a solution.



8. Be early.
Just be 10 or 5 minutes early for meetings etc. This very simple tip can cut down on stress quite a bit.



9. Do just one thing at a time.
Single tasking and focusing on doing just one thing at a time not only decreases stress but from my experience gets things done a whole lot quicker than if you multitask.



10. Talk to people around you about it.
Perhaps they can offer you advice that has worked for them or just an ear and some support. Just telling someone about something, just getting it out can often help to relieve some of the stress.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Elephant Mind Set

ELEPHANT MIND SET



By Wild Life World

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

How a Bully Is Made


How a Bully Is Made
By Victoria Costello


The short- and long-term harm done to bullying victims has received much attention lately. The complex web of factors which go into creating bullies are less often discussed.

Every bully does not have the same psychological profile. But understanding the possible factors behind the behavior can help usturn the tide against a deeply entrenched problem.

When my oldest son Alex was 14, he turned into a bully. It started at home, when he would act mean toward his younger brother: teasing him relentlessly, pushing, hitting and scheming to get him in trouble. Later, I found out that he’d hooked up with some other boys in the neighborhood and they, as a gang, had been bullying younger kids.

Here’s how I heard Alex describe one such time. The confession came at a wilderness therapy program we’d sent him to. I was present for a parent meeting at the end of the program.

“I stole about seven bikes and gave ‘em to my guys to buy our pot. Oh, and one time I threw a little kid off his bike and took it from him. Then we all laughed at him crying on the ground.”

I remember being horrified. How had my sweet, once-shy and introspective first-born child become this monster?

For my son, the answer would turn out to be complicated, but not unusual. Much later, while working as a psychology writer and researcher, I discovered the many possible factors that can contribute to aggressive or violent behavior in children and teenagers.

At one time, psychologists attributed children’s aggression to their high levels of frustration. Although feeling blocked from having or doing what one wants can lead to aggressive behavior, further study has shown frustration to be farther down the list of causes.

When assessing this large body of research for the book I coauthored with Jack C. Westman M.D., The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child & Adolescent Psychology, I found the following five factors to be considered most predictive of producing bullying behavior.

1. Physical Punishment

Parents’ use of harsh physical punishment is positively correlated with children’s aggressive behavior. In one 1990 study, peers and teachers rated spanked children twice as aggressive compared with other children. At the same time, not all spanked children are overly aggressive.

University of Tulane researchers studied the effect of spanking using a mixed population of 2,500 children between the ages of 3 and 5. The group included 45 percent who, according to their mothers, had not been spanked, 28 percent who were spanked “once or twice,” and 26 percent who were spanked more than twice. The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 rose by 50 percent if he had been spanked twice in the month before being observed by researchers. This 2010 study stood out from others done previously in that investigators accounted for variables, including the mother’s acts of neglect, use of alcohol or drugs, and violence or aggression between the parents.

2. Watching Aggressive Behavior in Adults

Some of the aggressive children in this study were not physically punished. Parents who simply modeled aggressive behavior in front of their children also produced more aggressive children. Such parents tended to use more forceful rather than cooperative means to settle conflicts. They yelled rather than spoke calmly or discussed an issue. They grabbed the TV remote out of someone’s hands, rather than asked or negotiated a peaceful solution to competing needs or desires.

If there is a lot of unresolved conflict in the home, parents can model aggressive behaviors which the child can internalize. Beyond the child’s immediate home and school environment, studies show that poverty and high levels of neighborhood crime create a culture of violence with many negative effects on children. But other factors cut across class and geography.

3. Violent Television

A typical children’s cartoon shows on average one violent act every three minutes. Many young children and teenagers spend more hours watching TV than they do at school. What’s the effect of all this mayhem on growing children? There are many correlational and some experimental studies linking children’s viewing of violent TV programs with spikes in aggressive behavior.

In the laboratory of social learning theorist Albert Bandura, children were given specially created TV programs to watch. In these shows, an adult acted violently, kicking and hitting a plastic doll named Bobo. Two groups of children were given the same doll to play with; one group watched the violent program, the other didn’t. Those who watched were more likely to imitate the on-screen character and act violently toward Bobo than the others.

4. Problems with Processing Emotions

In the 1990s, researchers started to investigate whether any cognitive deficiencies might contribute to a child’s level of aggressive behavior. This work revealed that aggressive boys often respond aggressively because they are not as skilled as their peers in reading other people. They fail to accurately interpret other people’s intentions and when they’re unsure of why someone does something or looks at them a certain way, they tend to respond aggressively.

Another study investigated whether anything could be done to help young people like this overcome their deficiency and be less aggressive as a result. In one correctional facility, incarcerated adolescents were taught how to pay attention to non-hostile cues in a social setting. When they accurately perceived hostility coming their way, they were shown how to use alternative responses. Supervisors at the juvenile correction facility who were questioned after this training program reported less aggression and less impulsivity in those adolescents who had taken the training.

This emotional processing deficit seemed to be a factor present in my own 14-year-old son at the time his behaviors turned aggressive. Here was how he described his state of mind and emotions at wilderness therapy camp:

I’m trying to get in touch with my feelings. I’m having a hard time cause I haven’t had feelings in a long time for some reason. My counselors say it’s the drugs but I don’t know. It seems to me I didn’t have any feelings before I started using either.

As it turned out, Alex’s psychological problems were far deeper than his outward behaviors appeared to reveal.

5. Part of a More Serious Psychiatric Disease Course

A meta-study of 11 longitudinal family studies reveals that conduct disorder puts a boy at a higher risk for becoming an antisocial young man or a psychotic adolescent (J. Welham et al. 2009). I was struck by the number of studies in this review showing that boys who went on to develop schizophrenia had conduct problems when they were young. The word “externalizing” (what many view as “acting out”) is often used to describe their early problem behaviors.

This was the course my son Alex’s adolescent psychological problems eventually took. He was diagnosed and treated for the onset of schizophrenia at age 17, a story I tell in my forthcoming book A Lethal Inheritance.

I certainly want to underscore that not all bullies — nor boys and girls with conduct disorder as children and teenagers — develop antisocial disorder or schizophrenia as young adults. But sufficient numbers of them do to merit a closer look at the deeper psychological currents driving these young people. The general public also needs to develop a more complex understanding of the phenomena of bullying if we are going to stop and treat these young people before they and the children who become the targets of their aggression suffer further.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

10 Quick Strategies To Help Manage Your Anger..

10 Quick Strategies To Help Manage Your Anger..

by Anger Management Activities on Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 7:34p


Anger is a very natural emotion. However, learning to deal with your anger in a positive manner is important, both for your well-being and that of others who are near and dear to you. When you cannot control your temper, you and everyone around you suffer the consequences.

If you struggle with anger management, the good news is: it doesn't have to be this way! You don't have to fall victim to an uncontrollable temper. There are anger management techniques that will help you change the way you express this emotion.

These strategies can help you manage your anger in positive ways:

1. Give yourself a time out. Counting to ten before you speak or act gives you a chance to think first. Take a deep breath or two while you count to ten; this action helps relax your tense muscles and sends a burst of oxygen to your brain for clarity of thought.

Removing yourself altogether from the situation gives you more time to calm down and further reduces the risk of an angry outburst. You can return once you're able to discuss the issue peacefully.

2. Take some personal space. When the very presence of a specific person makes your blood boil, stay away from them until your frustration dies down. Use the opportunity away from them to work through your feelings and seek a positive solution to your challenge with them.

3. After you're calm, express yourself. It's healthy to express your feelings, even feelings of anger, as long as you do it in a peaceful, positive, and non-confrontational way.
Discussing your feelings with the person who upsets you often helps both of you understand each other better so you can work out your issues.
Stewing about what is bothering you can make the whole situation worse.

4. Exercise. Strenuous physical activity is an incredible way to release your anger, especially if you feel you're at the breaking point. Exercising also releases endorphins, the "feel good" hormones, which will help you feel more at peace.
Lifting weights, running, and playing sports are great ways to blow off some steam.

5. Think it through before you tackle the issue. When you're angry, you're more likely to say something hurtful that you don't really mean.
Write down what you want to say so you can work through the issue at hand; when your temper is flaring, it's easy to get sidetracked.

6. Find a win-win solution. Instead of focusing on what someone did to make you angry, work with him or her to resolve the issue. Finding a solution that you both agree on will allow you to feel satisfied.

7. Use personal statements when discussing the issue. Avoid criticizing or placing blame.
Use statements like, "It makes me feel angry and upset when you don't help me with the housework," instead of "You never help me," which could make that person angry or resentful in return.

8. Avoid holding a grudge. Maintaining resentment toward someone only hurts you. Let it go, put it in the past, and move forward with your life.
It's unreasonable to expect everyone to act the way you want them to. Rather than letting someone continue to irritate you with their mannerisms, find a way to accept or look past them.

9. Use humor. Lighten up the situation by saying or doing something genuinely funny. Once you both have a good laugh, it's easier to find a resolution together.
When being humorous, avoid sarcasm as it can hurt and make things worse.

10. Practice relaxation techniques. Skills like deep breathing and picturing a relaxing scene can help defuse your temper when you feel it start to boil.
Listening to music and practicing Yoga are also great stress relievers.

If you feel that your anger is still out of control after using these strategies, you may benefit from some extra help, such as:Reading further books on anger management.
Seeing a licensed therapist or counselor.
Attending anger management classes or support groups where others discuss ways to cope with their anger.

No matter how severe your anger may be, these tips and techniques can help you control your temper, rather than letting it control you. Free yourself from anger and find greater joy in your life today!







Friday, August 19, 2011

Prevention Program for Postpartum Anxiety Disorders


By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor

Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on August 19, 2011

A new report describes a program that helps to reduce anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorders that may accompany childbirth.

Parents know that the birth of a baby can elicit many emotions, from joy and excitement to fear and uncertainty.

Birthing can also spawn mood disorders ranging from post-partum depression to difficulties with anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

“Postpartum depression has received much attention, but anxiety-related issues, especially obsessive compulsive symptoms, can also be devastating to mothers and their families,” says psychologist Kiara Timpano, principal investigator of the study.

“Many women experiencing these difficulties are not getting the services they need because they don’t even know that what they are experiencing has a label and can be helped.”

In response to this need, Timpano and her collaborators from the University of Miami (UM) developed a program to prevent of postpartum obsessive compulsive symptoms.

The findings are reported online by the Journal of Psychiatric Research.

While it is natural for new mothers to have some thoughts of concern about their babies, some mothers experience a more severe form of anxiety known as postpartum OCD.

The condition includes disturbing thoughts about bad things happening to the baby.

In order to control these unpleasant thoughts, the mothers develop rituals or other behaviors in response, like checking the baby excessively or washing a baby bottle many more times than is necessary.

“The problem with OCD is that it is like a radio that’s turned up too high,” Timpano says.

“Part of our work is trying to figure out how it got turned up so high and how we can help individuals turn it back down. For example, while it’s okay to wash the baby bottle once, it is problematic if a mother ends up washing it for hours at a time.”

Timpano and her research collaborators decided to develop and test the effectiveness of an intervention that would not only treat mothers once their difficulties emerged, but could also prevent symptoms from developing.

Accordingly, the team designed a prevention program based on cognitive behavioral therapy principle – a treatment technique that has been found to be highly effective for anxiety disorders.

The program was incorporated it into a traditional childbirth educational class.

“We wanted to provide mothers with the necessary tools, which would hopefully keep them from going on to develop substantial symptoms that would interfere in their lives,” Timpano says.

Researchers evaluated the effectiveness of the program among a group of 71 expecting mothers at risk for developing postpartum obsessive compulsive symptoms. Half of the group was in a class that included the prevention program, the other half was in a regular childbirth education class (control group).

The mothers were followed for six months after the birth of their babies. Key aspects of the behavioral intervention included education on the warning signs of anxiety and OCD, as well as specific techniques for how to deal with the symptoms.

Investigators determined the prevention program was successful in reducing both the incidence of obsessive compulsive symptoms and the intensity of distress.

Compared to the control group, the mothers in the prevention program experienced less anxiety after the babies were born and they maintained this effect for at least six months postpartum. The team also found that the intervention reduced those thinking styles that put a mom at risk to begin with.

In the future, researchers would like to develop a program that would include screening for postpartum anxiety on the same scale and frequency as what is currently performed for postpartum depression, said Timpano.

Source: University of Miami

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Lack of Sleep Getting you Down? Research Provides Tips for Better Sleep

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/positive-psychology/2011/08/lack-of-sleep-getting-you-down-research-provides-tips-for-better-sleep/

Lack of Sleep Getting you Down? Research Provides Tips for Better SleepBy Joe Wilner

If you’re like most people sleep is crucial for your well-being. Research studies increasingly reveal that people do not function optimally when they are sleep deprived.

Sleep gives us energy, a positive attitude, and better ability to cope with daily stress. We need adequate sleep for physical restoration, growth, adaptability, and memory.

In general, Americans, particularly adolescents and aging adults, don’t get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can decrease our cognitive ability to focus, problems solve, and maintain attention, and it can cause irritability, and emotional irregularity. All of which can interfere with positive well-being.

So, what can be done to help us sleep better and be more rested?

Often, sleep disturbances are related to excessive worrying and general arousal during bed time, this could be from our drinking and eating habits, or a general inability to relax and wind down.


Fortunately, researches in Canada studied three interventions with the goal of helping students reduce pre-sleep arousal and improve overall quality of sleep. The interventions were three exercises involving constructive worrying, imagery distraction, and cultivating gratitude.

The students were simply sent these exercises by email and required no formal training. The results revealed that these three interventions were successful.

Students who received a constructive worry, imagery distraction, or a gratitude intervention had less cognitive and somatic pre-sleep arousal and worry, increased total sleep time, and improved sleep quality compared to baseline.

Here are the three interventions in more detail so you can apply them in your own life.

Constructive Worry – This involves setting aside 15 minutes earlier in the day to write out worries and concerns that are likely to interfere with sleep. Solutions to these problems are considered and the hope is that there will no longer be a tendency to focus on these problems for the time being.

Imagery Distraction – For about 15 minutes each night after all bedtime routines have been completed, with eyes closed imagine an interesting, pleasant, and engaging situation. Imagine something that comforts you and gives you positive feelings, though make sure it isn’t anything too arousing or exciting that could actually keep you stimulated and awake.

Gratitude Intervention – Our mood has an impact on sleep. Schedule a daily 15-minute session in the early evening when you can write about a positive event that has occurred lately or that you anticipate in the near future.

Hopefully these interventions can help you get a good night sleep, and give you something to fall back on when you are experiencing a sleepless night.

Are any of these interventions most appealing to you? Any that you have tried before?

Photo credit: Foxtongue

Work cited:

Digdon, N. & Koble, A. (2011). Effects of Constructive Worry, Imagery Distraction, and Gratitude Interventions on Sleep Quality: A Pilot Trial. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3 (2), 193–206.

Joe Wilner is a life coach, educator, and writer who helps inspire and empower people to find their purpose and meaning. He has a Masters Degree in Psychology and a Masters in Liberal Arts, with a concentration in Management and Leadership. He is a certified meditation instructor through the American Institute of Health Care Professionals (AIHC) and a certified life coach with Compass Global Group. He is a member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA), and provides training and coaching to assist people in stress and anxiety reduction, and to help them enhance positive emotional experiences.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Too Much Web Surfing Impairs Focus

Too Much Web Surfing Impairs Focus

Posted on July 10th, 2011 by Dr. Pauline Wallin


Have you noticed lately, that it’s getting harder and harder to sit down and focus on reading a book for an hour, or even 15 minutes?

According to author Nicholas Carr, the Internet is to blame. In his book, The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains, Carr outlines research showing the impact of web surfing and multitasking on brain functions. He concludes that we have become so accustomed to the constant stream of information from online activities that our brains are actually getting rewired for distractibility.

We are processing more information than ever before. With a click of a button we can get the latest news and weather, shop for just about anything, read movie reviews, and engage in dozens of other information-gathering tasks – all within a few minutes.

But rarely do we stop and reflect on what we read online. Eye-tracking studies have shown that the average time spent on a web page is less than five seconds – enough to read 18 words at most.

In between web surfing, we check email, answer text messages, update our Facebook page and respond to popup windows urging us to update our software. Our minds are constantly distracted. No wonder we have trouble focusing!

So what does all this mean for our brains? There is scientific evidence that the more you engage in a given behavioral pattern, the more the brain adapts to it. Thus, if you are used to switching from one task to another in rapid succession, your brain is going to make it easier and more efficient for you to do so – but at a price. That price is greater distractibility and less capacity for deep reflection and creativity.

Is this permanent? Fortunately, no. Your capacity for deep thinking is not lost; it’s just dormant. To get it back, it’s not necessary to unplug completely from the Internet. But you do need to plan ahead and exercise self-control.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS…

Take scheduled breaks from the Internet – Walk away from your computer and turn off data reception on your mobile device for at least 30 minutes. During your break do something that relaxes your mind, such as talking to a friend, exercising or listening to music – whatever helps you to decompress. There’s a whole world out there – and it’s in 3D!

Make time for nature. If you can’t get outside, water your plants or look through some photos of the outdoors. Studies have shown that doing so can improve your concentration and attentiveness afterward.

When doing work at your computer, close your email program and your browser. Removing distractions makes it easier to stick to your task.

Set a quota for online activities such as checking email or Facebook. For example, limit such things to once per hour, or as a reward for completing a work-related task.

If you have trouble sticking to your promises to yourself, unplug your modem or get a program that locks you out of the Internet for a designated period of time.



9 Reasons for Change

9 Reasons for Change
By Christy Matta, MA


Change is difficult. Even if you are engaging in behaviors that you know are harmful or have symptoms that are severe, the prospect of change can be unappealing. At these times, it can be helpful to think of reasons to make those difficult changes.


Reasons for change:
You are concerned about your life, your behavior or your mental health.
You are concerned about the consequences of not getting help.
You are concerned about your future.
You hold the belief that if you change, things will get better.
You have the opportunity to change.
You are being offered the resources to change or you can obtain the resources to change.
You want to change or you intend to change.
The positives of not making change are outweighed by your concern and the negative consequences of not making change.
You are ready to change.

When you are experiencing mental health problems you may feel helpless , which can lead to hostility or passivity in response to suggestions that you change. Motivation to change how you deal with your mental health problems is important to making difficult life changes. Often when people experience emotions like fear and shame, the tendency is to avoid problems. Thinking about your reasons to change can give you the incentive necessary to get started.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Lessons Of Failure

Lessons Of Failure

by Pray for One and All on Monday, August 1, 2011 at 9:39am

Lord, are you trying to tell me something ?

For...

Failure does not mean I'm a failure;

It does mean I have not yet succeeded.





Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing, It does mean I have learned something.





Failure does not mean I have been a fool;

It does mean I had enough faith to experiment.





Failure does not mean I have disgraced

It does mean I have dared to try.





Failure does not mean I don't have it

It does mean I have something to do in a different way.





Failure does not mean I am inferior,

It does mean I am not perfect.





Failure does not mean I have wasted my life;

It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.







Failure does not mean that I should give up;

It does mean that I should try harder.







Failure does not mean that I never make it;

It does mean that I need more practice.







Failure does not mean that you have abandoned me'



It does mean that you must have a better idea.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Managing the Painful Side Effects of Antidepressants

Managing the Painful Side Effects of Antidepressants
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

For better or worse, one of the primary treatments of clinical depression — antidepressants — come with a host of negative side effects. For some people, these side effects will be temporary and will go away on their own (or at least be reduced in intensity as your body acclimates to the medication). For others, the side effects may not go away and, in fact, may become intolerable.

Side effects are a normal part of taking virtually any prescription medication. Although the drugs are intended to treat the specific condition — in this case, depression — they also cause unwanted physical symptoms that are usually an annoyance.

You shouldn’t feel abnormal, awkward or self-conscious if you have any of these side effects. You should, however, talk to your doctor about them — especially if they make you feel worse or the side effects themselves are unbearable:
Decreased sex drive or no sex drive at all
Dry mouth — your mouth feels very dry and cannot produce the same amount of saliva as usual
Mild to moderate nausea
Insomnia — inability to get to sleep, or difficulty staying asleep
Increased anxiousness or restlessness
Daytime sleepiness or drowsiness
Weight gain
Constipation or diarrhea
Headaches
Increased sweating
Dizziness

Whatever you do, do not try and manage your medication — the dose, frequency or amount you take — on your own. You need to talk to your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Do not suddenly quit taking your medication, because it could cause intense withdrawal symptoms or even a return of your depression.

Keep in mind that some side effects can also be managed in conjunction with your doctor. There are remedies for dry mouth, for instance, and additional medications for other things (such as sexual dysfunction, a common side effect of many antidepressant medications).
Helping to Manage the Common Side Effects of Antidepressants

1. Decreased sex drive or no sex drive at all

Ask your doctor whether another medication is available that doesn’t have such strong sexual side effects, or if a lower dose may help with the problem. Talk to your doctor about other options, such as taking a medication for erectile dysfunction.

2. Dry mouth

Eat more water-laden snacks, like celery sticks, and consider chewing sugarless gum, or suck often on sugarless candy. The sugarless part is important, because otherwise the sugar of constant gum chewing or candy sucking can harm your teeth and cause future cavities. You can also consider increasing your daily water intake by drinking at least 8 to 10 glasses of water a day and cutting back on some of the caffeine-laden drinks, such as coffee, tea and alcohol. As a last resort, you can also try a specially formulated rinse for your mouth that may help, such as Biotene or Orazyme.

For the bad breath that often accompanies dry mouth, consider munching on these herbs: parsley, aniseed, fennel, rosemary and cayenne pepper (individually, not all together!). See this article for more details.

7 Tips for Deciding How Best to Spend Your Time, Energy and Money

7 Tips for Deciding How Best to Spend Your Time, Energy and Money
By Gretchen Rubin

We all have to make decisions about how to spend our time, energy, and money. Because of my happiness project, I now explicitly ask myself, “Will this decision make me happier?”

I’m determined to get the most happiness bang for the buck.

Here are some questions I consider:

1. Is this decision likely to strengthen my relationships with other people?

Strong relationships with other people are a key — the key — to happiness, so decisions that help me build or strengthen ties are likely to boost my happiness. Yes, it’s a hassle and an expense to go to my college reunion, but it’s likely to have a big happiness pay-off.


2. Will this decision provide me with novelty and challenge?

Novelty and challenge make me happier—but they also make me feel insecure, intimidated, frustrated, and stupid. To get past that hurdle, I remind myself that in the end, I usually get a big shot of happiness. When I considered adding video to my blog, I reminded myself that the process of mastering the process would likely make me happier. And it has.

3. What is the opportunity cost of this decision? (“Opportunity cost” describes that fact that doing one thing means foregoing alternatives.)

Energy, time, and money are limited. Even if a decision would bring happiness, if it means that I have to give up the opportunity to do many other happiness-boosting activities, it may not be worth it. I could dedicate many hours to learning about classical music, and in the end, I might enjoy classical music more, but that activity would crowd out too many other things that I want to do more.

4. Does this decision help me obey my personal commandment to Be Gretchen?

I want to shape my life to reflect my temperament, interests, and values. I ask myself: Am I making this decision to “Be Gretchen,” or because I want to impress other people, pretend that I’m different from the person I actually am, or deny a truth about myself?

5. When I consider a particular course of action, do I feel energized or drained?

6. How happy are the people who have made that particular decision?

In Daniel Gilbert’s book Stumbling on Happiness, he argues that the most effective way to judge whether a particular course of action will make you happy in the future is to ask people who are following that course of action right now if they’re happy, and assume that you’ll feel the same way. Going on a family trip to Disneyworld. Getting a hamster. Learning to use Instagram. Working as a paralegal. Volunteering. In evaluating the likely consequences of a decision, other people’s experiences of happiness — or lack thereof — can be very instructive for me.

7. I remind myself to “Choose the bigger life.”

People make different decisions about what the “bigger life” would be, but when I ask myself that question, it always helps me see the right answer, for myself.

This list might help answer questions such as:
Should I join Facebook?
Should I buy a tent?
Should I throw a Labor Day party?
Should I buy a new kitchen table?
Should I sign up for Spanish lessons?

There’s no right answer or wrong answer — only the right answer for me.

How about you?
Have you developed questions for yourself, or other strategies, to help make wise decisions?

I came across Adam Bryant’s New York Times interview of Kip Tindell, the chief executive of the Container Store. Very thought-provoking — and I’d love to talk a look at his “Philosphy Epistle” file.

Recovering from Mental Illness? Be Your Own Best Friend

By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

The bad/sad news: According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in four adults — approximately 57.7 million Americans — experience a mental health disorder in a given year. One in 17 lives with a serious mental illness.

The good news: Between 70 and 90 percent of the individuals who are treated for their illness have a reduction in symptoms and improved quality of life.

The key factor that determines who recovers and who doesn’t most often is the willingness and ability of the person to engage in his or her own healing. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or any of the other diagnoses for mental illness, your involvement and attitude make a difference.

“Fine,” you say. “But what exactly does that mean?”

One way to think about it is to be your own very best friend. I’m not talking about the kind of friend who eggs you on to self-destructive behavior. I’m not talking about someone who only tells you what you want to hear or pretends she doesn’t see you sabotaging your own healing. I’m talking about a friend who cares deeply about you, wants only the best for you, and who loves you enough to find a way to encourage you even when you are so discouraged you push her away.

You don’t have such a friend? Then make one up for now. Conjure up a perfect buddy and give it a name. For the sake of this story, I’m making it female but gender doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you look deep inside to find your most insightful, supportive, and nurturing traits and create an avatar who will help you heal.

“Come on,” you say. “If I could do that, I wouldn’t be ill.” True. But it’s also true that you probably wouldn’t be so ill if you could find a way to do it. These things do go around and around. I’m only suggesting that if you’ve had the energy to find this article and to read it this far, you might have enough will and energy to give at least some of the following ideas some attention — at least some of the time. Not doing it isn’t going to get you anywhere, so you might as well try.
Becoming Your Own Best Friend

Words from your avatar best friend:

1. “Get real.” If you won’t settle for anything less than a “cure” for a persistent and chronic mental illness, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. A good friend would help you accept a realistic idea of what “recovery” means. She might remind you that physical illnesses like hypertension, arthritis, and diabetes can’t be totally cured but people can live happily and productively once symptoms are brought under control. Similarly, even serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia can become part of the fabric of one’s daily life without overwhelming it. Just as there is currently no “cure” for hypertension, there is no “cure” for psychosis. But staying in treatment and being engaged in a healthy lifestyle can push both into the background.

2. “Take your medicine” – on time and in the correct dose. A true friend wouldn’t let you convince yourself that it’s okay to abruptly stop a medication because you are feeling better. You may be feeling better because you are taking the medication. A friend would remind you to tell your doctor if you are experiencing side effects, if you miss a dose, or if you think your medication isn’t working. Your doctor can only help you if you follow directions and provide good information about results. Most medications require a gradual step-down if you are to discontinue them safely, so talk to your doctor if you want to stop.

3. “See a therapist.” A friend would not support an idea that a pill alone will make the pain go away. Studies have found that a combination of medication and talk therapy is the most effective method for getting and staying better. A therapist can help you learn and practice new coping skills. Sessions can be devoted to helping you identify issues, people, and places that are challenging for you so that you can develop strategies for dealing with them. Perhaps most important, your therapist can encourage and support the efforts of your internal friend until you’ve developed a natural support system to take over.

4. “Get enough sleep.” A true friend would call it a night at 9:00 so you can be in bed by 10:00 or 11:00. Regardless of how much fun the two of you are having, your friend would understand that you need a minimum of 6 to 8 hours a night every night. She’d know bodies require rest to heal. If you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, she’d remind you to make sure you are doing the sensible things you need to do to wind down from the day. She’d tell you to shut down anything that is overstimulating at least an hour before bedtime. She’d get offline and tell you to do the same. She’d remind you to turn off the TV and not to answer your phone or make any calls unless there is a bona fide emergency. If you need further coaching, she’d tell you to take a warm bath if that is soothing, to get into pajamas and head for bed; to play some soft music and lower the lights. You want to establish a routine that says to your system, “The day is over. We’re going to sleep now.”

5. “Treat your body well.” Treats are only treats if they’re rare. A true friend wouldn’t bring you chocolate – except when it is extremely special and then in only small amounts. Instead, she’d insist that you get into the habit of eating three healthy meals a day plus 2 – 3 healthy snacks. Your body needs fuel to heal. Exercise? Of course. Your buddy would get you moving. Taking a walk together or hitting the gym for at least 30 minutes a day would help you both feel great. She’d encourage you to limit caffeine, alcohol, sugar and nicotine and to stay away from illegal drugs. Your body and mind have enough to do without struggling against effects of stimulants and depressants that you do have control over. Gently and consistently, your friend would stress that these are the habits of healthy living. To be healthy, you need to act that way – especially when you don’t feel like it. Doing the basics shouldn’t be a decision every day.

6. “Learn relaxation techniques.” A good friend would drag you to a workshop to learn meditation, the relaxation response, yoga or mindfulness. She might join you in prayer for health and guidance. Your friend would know that when you find your mind spinning, you need to have a natural and effective way to slow yourself down.

7. “Make more friends – or at least acquaintances.” People who are isolated have a much harder time managing their illness. Your friend would encourage you to join a church or club or support group – anything that meets weekly so that you have regular contact with people who share some of your interests or concerns. You need more than one friend, even if that friend is the best possible good buddy you can imagine. You need to find a group of people who look out for one another.

8. “Tell me about it.” A supportive friend would want to know what she might see if you start to lose control. Often it happens so gradually, it’s hard to recognize that the illness is taking over until it has already become serious. Remind your internal friend that you both do know your signals. Agree that when you first start to feel uneasy, you will call your therapist – even if you don’t think it’s that serious.

The imagination is a wonderful thing. Your partner in healing is only as far away as your mind. When you are discouraged or lonely or tempted just to pull the covers over your head and avoid dealing, your avatar self can be a very helpful and, yes, loving support. Your inner best friend forever is that part of you that is healthy and whole. The more you get in touch with her and listen to her, the stronger both of you will become.

Physical Punishment May Impair Child’s Cognitive Functions

By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on July 27, 2011

Emerging research suggests corporal punishment in schools may harm a child’s cognitive ability.

In a study of two private West African schools, children in a school that uses corporal punishment performed significantly worse in tasks involving executive functioning — psychological processes such as planning, abstract thinking, and delaying gratification — than those in a school relying on milder disciplinary measures such as time-outs.

Researchers believe this suggests a harshly punitive environment may have long-term detrimental effects on children’s verbal intelligence and their executive-functioning ability.

As a result, children exposed to a harshly punitive environment may be at risk for behavioral problems related to deficits in executive functioning, the study indicates.

Researchers including Prof. Victoria Talwar of McGill University, Prof. Stephanie M. Carlson of the University of Minnesota, and Prof. Kang Lee of the University of Toronto, followed 63 children in kindergarten or first grade at two West African private schools.

Demographically the students were similar as their families lived in the same urban neighborhood and parents were employed as civil servants, professionals and merchants.

In one school, discipline in the form of beating with a stick, slapping of the head, and pinching was administered publicly and routinely for offenses ranging from forgetting a pencil to being disruptive in class.

In the other school, children were disciplined for similar offenses with the use of time-outs and verbal reprimands.

While overall performance on the executive-functioning tasks was similar in the younger children from both schools, the Grade 1 children in the non-punitive school scored significantly higher than those in the punitive school.

These findings compare with prior research that suggests punitive discipline may make children immediately compliant – but may reduce the likelihood that they will internalize rules and standards. That, in turn, may result in lower self-control as children get older.

“This study demonstrates that corporal punishment does not teach children how to behave or improve their learning,” said researcher Victoria Talwar, Ph.D., of McGill University.

“In the short term, it may not have any negative effects; but if relied upon over time it does not support children’s problem-solving skills, or their abilities to inhibit inappropriate behaviour or to learn.”

Experts have debated the benefits or detriments of corporal punishment for centuries. However, few studies have examined the effects on executive functioning.

This study used a quasi-experimental design to obtain information from a naturally occurring situation in which children were exposed to two different disciplinary environments. The parents of children in both schools endorsed physical punishment equally, suggesting that the school environment can account for the differences found.

However, despite the knowledge gained, researchers say there are many questions that remain unanswered.

“We are now examining whether being in a punitive environment day in and day out will have other negative impacts on children such as lying or other covert antisocial behaviors. Also, we are pursuing the long-term consequences of experiencing corporal punishment. For example, what would children’s cognitive and social development be 5 or 10 years down the road?,” said study author Kang Lee, Ph.D.

The findings are relevant to current issues in education.

“In the U.S., 19 states still allow corporal punishment in schools, although more of them are now asking for parent permission to use it. With this new evidence that the practice might actually undermine children’s cognitive skills needed for self-control and learning, parents and policymakers can be better informed,” said study author Stephanie M. Carlson, Ph.D.

The study is published in the journal Social Development.

Source: University of Toronto

Friday, July 22, 2011

Tips for Deciding How Best to Spend Your Time, Energy and Money

We all have to make decisions about how to spend our time, energy, and money. Because of my happiness project, I now explicitly ask myself, “Will this decision make me happier?”

I’m determined to get the most happiness bang for the buck.

Here are some questions I consider:

1. Is this decision likely to strengthen my relationships with other people?

Strong relationships with other people are a key — the key — to happiness, so decisions that help me build or strengthen ties are likely to boost my happiness. Yes, it’s a hassle and an expense to go to my college reunion, but it’s likely to have a big happiness pay-off.


2. Will this decision provide me with novelty and challenge?

Novelty and challenge make me happier—but they also make me feel insecure, intimidated, frustrated, and stupid. To get past that hurdle, I remind myself that in the end, I usually get a big shot of happiness. When I considered adding video to my blog, I reminded myself that the process of mastering the process would likely make me happier. And it has.

3. What is the opportunity cost of this decision? (“Opportunity cost” describes that fact that doing one thing means foregoing alternatives.)

Energy, time, and money are limited. Even if a decision would bring happiness, if it means that I have to give up the opportunity to do many other happiness-boosting activities, it may not be worth it. I could dedicate many hours to learning about classical music, and in the end, I might enjoy classical music more, but that activity would crowd out too many other things that I want to do more.

4. Does this decision help me obey my personal commandment to Be Gretchen?

I want to shape my life to reflect my temperament, interests, and values. I ask myself: Am I making this decision to “Be Gretchen,” or because I want to impress other people, pretend that I’m different from the person I actually am, or deny a truth about myself?

5. When I consider a particular course of action, do I feel energized or drained?

6. How happy are the people who have made that particular decision?

In Daniel Gilbert’s book Stumbling on Happiness, he argues that the most effective way to judge whether a particular course of action will make you happy in the future is to ask people who are following that course of action right now if they’re happy, and assume that you’ll feel the same way. Going on a family trip to Disneyworld. Getting a hamster. Learning to use Instagram. Working as a paralegal. Volunteering. In evaluating the likely consequences of a decision, other people’s experiences of happiness — or lack thereof — can be very instructive for me.

7. I remind myself to “Choose the bigger life.”

People make different decisions about what the “bigger life” would be, but when I ask myself that question, it always helps me see the right answer, for myself.

This list might help answer questions such as:
Should I join Facebook?
Should I buy a tent?
Should I throw a Labor Day party?
Should I buy a new kitchen table?
Should I sign up for Spanish lessons?

There’s no right answer or wrong answer — only the right answer for me.

How about you?
Have you developed questions for yourself, or other strategies, to help make wise decisions?

I came across Adam Bryant’s New York Times interview of Kip Tindell, the chief executive of the Container Store. Very thought-provoking — and I’d love to talk a look at his “Philosphy Epistle” file.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

1st Core Sector Communique Awards for Excellence - Park Hotel




Staying Afloat amidst the Spin

Staying Afloat amidst the Spin

by Contrarian Strategies & Point of View on Sunday, July 17, 2011 at 12:18a

Try not to take everything personally, things that people say and do don’t always have anything to do with you.





Every time you interact with others, you have the choice to listen to, acknowledge, and let go of their words, or you can take what they are saying personally. Taking things personally is often the result of perceiving a person’s actions or words as an affront or slight. In order to take something personally, you must read negative intent in an individual’s words or actions. But what people do and say has no bearing upon you and is usually based on their own experiences, emotions, and perceptions. If you attempt to take what they do or say personally, you may end up feeling hurt without reason.



If you are tempted to take a comment or action personally, creating some distance between yourself and the other person can help you. Try to determine what is at the root of your feelings. Ask yourself if the other person’s words or actions are just reinforcing some insecurity within you or if you can really be sure that an offense was intended. You may even want to ask them what they meant. Finally, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Instead of taking their words as the truth, or as a personal affront, remember that whatever was said or done is based on their opinion and is more reflective of what is going on inside of them, rather than having anything to do with you. You may have been an easy target for someone having a bad day, and their comments may have been offered with no ill intentions.



When you recognize that what anyone says or does doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, you will no longer feel hurt or attacked. While it’s easy to take things personally, you should never let anyone’s perceptions or actions affect how you see yourself or your worth. Your life is personal to you, and it is up to you to influence your own value and sense of well-being.

May this encourage you always.

May this encourage you always.
by Encourage Criticism : Critical Thinking Skills on Thursday, July 21, 2011 at 7:17pm


Don't spend major time with minor people. If there are people in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don't give their backing during difficult times...that is not a friend.



To have a friend, be a friend. Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go. Surround yourself with people who reflect value.



Don't spend major time with minor people. If there are people in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don't give their backing during difficult times...that is not a friend.





Surround yourself with people who reflect values, goals interests and lifestyle.



When I think of any of my successes, I am thankful to GOD from whom all blessings flow, and to my family and friends that enrich my life.



Over the years my phone book has changed because I changed for the better. At first you think you're going to be alone, but after a while new people show up in your life that make your life so much sweeter and easier to endure.



Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens:



Chickens Can't Fly!



I love the Lord and thank Him for all that he does in my life, therefore, I'm passing this on. Yes I do love Jesus. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday...... Without Him, I would be nothing.



Without Him, I am nothing but with Him I can do all things. Phil 4:13

Be Positive - Be Progressive - Take the time to make a positive difference in someone's life.



Walk by faith



Not by sight



Receive God's blessings!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

10 Practical Ways to Handle Stress

Stress is inevitable. It walks in and out of our lives on a regular basis. And it can easily walk all over us unless we take action. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to minimize and cope with stress. Here are 10 ideas for handling stress without causing more strain and hassle.

1. Figure out where the stress is coming from.

Oftentimes, when we’re stressed, it seems like a big mess with stressors appearing from every angle. We start to feel like we’re playing a game of dodge ball, ducking and darting so we don’t get smacked by a barrage of balls. We take a defensive position, and not a good one at that.

Instead of feeling like you’re flailing day to day, identify what you’re actually stressed about. Is it a specific project at work, an upcoming exam, a dispute with your boss, a heap of laundry, a fight with your family?

By getting specific and pinpointing the stressors in your life, you’re one step closer to getting organized and taking action.


2. Consider what you can control—and work on that.

While you can’t control what your boss does, what your in-laws say or the sour state of the economy, you can control how you react, how you accomplish work, how you spend your time and what you spend your money on.

The worst thing for stress is trying to take control over uncontrollable things. Because when you inevitably fail — since it’s beyond your control — you only get more stressed out and feel helpless. So after you’ve thought through what’s stressing you out, identify the stressors that you can control, and determine the best ways to take action.

Take the example of a work project. If the scope is stressing you out, talk it over with your supervisor or break the project down into step-wise tasks and deadlines.

Stress can be paralyzing. Doing what’s within your power moves you forward and is empowering and invigorating.

3. Do what you love.

It’s so much easier to manage pockets of stress when the rest of your life is filled with activities you love. Even if your job is stress central, you can find one hobby or two that enrich your world. What are you passionate about? If you’re not sure, experiment with a variety of activities to find something that’s especially meaningful and fulfilling.

4. Manage your time well.

One of the biggest stressors for many people is lack of time. Their to-do list expands, while time flies. How often have you wished for more hours in the day or heard others lament their lack of time? But you’ve got more time than you think, as Laura Vanderkam writes in her aptly titled book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.

We all have the same 168 hours, and yet there are plenty of people who are dedicated parents and full-time employees and who get at least seven hours of sleep a night and lead fulfilling lives.

Here are Vanderkam’s seven steps to help you check off your to-do list and find time for the things you truly enjoy.

5. Create a toolbox of techniques.

One stress-shrinking strategy won’t work for all your problems. For instance, while deep breathing is helpful when you’re stuck in traffic or hanging at home, it might not rescue you during a business meeting.

Because stress is complex, “What we need is a toolbox that’s full of techniques that we can fit and choose for the stressor in the present moment,” said Richard Blonna, Ed.D, a nationally certified coach and counselor and author of Stress Less, Live More: How Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Can Help You Live a Busy Yet Balanced Life.

Here’s a list of additional techniques to help you build your toolbox.

6. Pick off the negotiables from your plate.

Review your daily and weekly activities to see what you can pick off your plate. As Vanderkam asks in her book: “Do your kids really love their extracurricular activities, or are they doing them to please you? Are you volunteering for too many causes, and so stealing time from the ones where you could make the most impact? Does your whole department really need to meet once per week or have that daily conference call?”

Blonna suggested asking these questions: “Do [my activities] mesh with my goals and values? Am I doing things that give my life meaning? Am I doing the right amount of things?”

Reducing your stack of negotiable tasks can greatly reduce your stress.

7. Are you leaving yourself extra vulnerable to stress?

Whether you perceive something as a stressor depends in part on your current state of mind and body. That is, as Blonna said, ““Each transaction we’re involved in takes place in a very specific context that’s affected by our health, sleep, psychoactive substances, whether we’ve had breakfast [that day] and [whether we’re] physically fit.”

So if you’re not getting sufficient sleep or physical activity during the week, you may be leaving yourself extra susceptible to stress. When you’re sleep-deprived, sedentary and filled to the brim with coffee, even the smallest stressors can have a huge impact.

8. Preserve good boundaries.

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, saying no feels like you’re abandoning someone, have become a terrible person or are throwing all civility out the window. But of course that couldn’t be further from the truth. Plus, those few seconds of discomfort are well worth avoiding the stress of taking on an extra activity or doing something that doesn’t contribute value to your life.

One thing I’ve noticed about productive, happy people is that they’re very protective of their time and having their boundaries crossed. But not to worry: Building boundaries is a skill you can learn. Here are some tips to help. And if you tend toward people-pleasing, these tips can help, too.

9. Realize there’s a difference between worrying and caring.

Sometimes, our mindset can boost stress, so a small issue mushrooms into a pile of problems. We continue worrying, somehow thinking that this is a productive — or at least inevitable — response to stress. But we mistake worry for action.

Clinical psychologist Chad LeJeune, Ph.D, talks about the idea of worrying versus caring in his book, The Worry Trap: How to Free Yourself from Worry & Anxiety Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. “Worrying is an attempt to exert control over the future by thinking about it,” whereas caring is taking action. “When we are caring for someone or something, we do the things that support or advance the best interests of the person or thing that we care about.”

LeJeune uses the simple example of houseplants. He writes: “If you are away from home for a week, you can worry about your houseplants every single day and still return home to find them brown and wilted. Worrying is not watering.”

Similarly, fretting about your finances does nothing but get you worked up (and likely prevent you from taking action). Caring about your finances, however, means creating a budget, paying bills on time, using coupons and reducing how often you dine out.

Just this small shift in mindset from worrying to caring can help you adjust your reaction to stress. To see this distinction between worrying and caring, LeJeune includes an activity where readers list responses for each one. For example:

Worrying about your health involves…

Caring about your health involves…

Worrying about your career involves…

Caring about your career involves…

10. Embrace mistakes—or at least don’t drown in perfectionism.

Another mindset that can exacerbate stress is perfectionism. Trying to be mistake-free and essentially spending your days walking on eggshells is exhausting and anxiety-provoking. Talk about putting pressure on yourself! And as we all know but tend to forget: Perfectionism is impossible and not human, anyway.

As researcher Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth” and it’s not self-improvement.

Nothing good can come from perfectionism. Brown writes: “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life-paralysis [‘all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect’].”

Plus, mistake-mistaking can lead to growth. To overcome perfectionism, Brown suggests becoming more compassionate toward yourself. I couldn’t agree more.